If you’re anything like me, you’ve been handling this single parent life much better than you expected. You’ve found your stride, figured out how to handle one, two, even three or more little ones with only two hands, and you’re feeling pretty proud of yourself.
Then reality smacks you in the face, and you’re reminded that the holiday season, your first holiday season as a single parent, is just around the corner.
It sucks, for sure – there’s just no way around that. If you would have told me last holiday season that I’d be spending this one as a soon-to-be divorcee, I would not have believed it. The holidays are probably the only time of the year where you’ll second guess your situation and feel a bit sorry for yourself. I get it, trust me, and I’ll even allow you to RSVP “yes” to your own pity party for a moment or two.
But guess what? I can’t change that fact that I am a single mom about to endure my first holiday season, and neither can you.
The only thing we can do now, my fellow single parent superstars, is make peace with what is and figure out a way to rock it with a smile on – because after all, our littles are watching us.
I plan on getting through it the same way I managed to handle Mother’s Day, only with a lot more strength, more time since the day my life changed forever, and a much better attitude.
Here is my Holiday Survival Guide for Single Parents:
1. Have your moment of sadness – but only a moment.
Divorce really is like a death. The person you once loved and relied on to get through life with is no longer by your side. It’s sad, so allow yourself to feel that sadness in your core, even though it sucks, otherwise you will never get over it. But in any difficult situation, you have two options – let it swallow you whole, or find a way to pull yourself out of it. When the sadness hits you this holiday season, embrace it, honor it, and then take a look at your children, followed by a good look in the mirror, and remember who you are – a badass mom or dad who still has plenty to smile about.
2. Keep a journal
No, not a “Dear Diary.” The last thing any of us needs is more time alone with the sad feelings. I’m talking about a gratitude log. When things are feeling particularly tough for me throughout this process, I take a few minutes each morning to jot down a few things I am grateful for in a journal that I keep next to my bed. On any given day, I find myself repeating the same things over and over again:
“I am grateful for my loving and hilarious daughter, my supportive family, my amazing friends, coffee, wine, Netflix.”
Sometimes all you need to do is remind yourself of how lucky you are, despite the major shift in your marital status, to be able to get through the day – even a day as intense as Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Thanksgiving or New Year’s Eve. You may need to do this each time you see a cheesy holiday commercial where a husband is presenting his overly-excited wife with a heart-shaped necklace, or when your kids ask why Daddy isn’t coming over for holiday dinner, or every day until the start of the new year. Whatever, be grateful for what you have, and you’ll start letting go of the sadness.
3. Make peace with your ex
Yes, you read that right. The day my soon-to-be ex-husband and I sucked up our anger for one another, focused solely on the well-being of our daughter, and even went so far as to go pumpkin picking, together, was the day I realized there is no benefit in hanging on to anger, at least not when there are kids involved. I realize that your ex-spouse may have done something hurtful or gut-wrenching to change your world. And that you’d rather rip out your fingernails than to have to pretend like you’re not so angry your head feels like exploding in a hundred different ways every single day. Or maybe it was you who dropped the bomb that blew up your marriage. Whatever. Point being is that pointing fingers at this point, is useless. Your marriage may be over, but your ability to co-exist for the greater good of your children will always be there. Suck it up, put a smile on, and dare I say it, invite your ex over to open presents together on Christmas morning – all to see the smiles on your kids’ faces. It may be the most important thing you do this holiday season.
Happy Holidays, my fellow single parents – you’ve got this covered, I promise.