STRENGTHS BASED PARENTING: Developing Your Children’s Innate Talents

“To develop a healthy sense of pride, confidence and identity, your child has to know what his talents are — and be able to develop them into strengths.” — Dr. Mary Reckmeyer

When it comes to parenting, do you spend most of your time pointing out what your children are doing wrong or what they’re doing right? If you’re like most time-strapped parents, chances are, you’re quicker at identifying the things your kids need to fix. But is this the best way to raise resilient, productive kids who will succeed and thrive in life?

Gallup, the analytics and advice firm, turns its focus to the home with the publication of a revolutionary new book, STRENGTHS BASED PARENTING: Developing Your Children’s Innate Talents by Mary Reckmeyer, Ph.D. For more than 50 years, Gallup’s Donald O. Clifton based his study of strengths around the central question: “What would happen if we studied what is right with people?”

This approach led to Dr. Clifton being honored as the Father of Strengths-Based Psychology in 2002 by an American Psychological Association Presidential Commendation. The resulting assessments — Clifton StrengthsFinder and the youth version, Clifton Youth StrengthsExplorer — have helped more than 14 million people discover their strengths. STRENGTHS BASED PARENTING is based on decades of Gallup research and analysis, including nearly 1 million young people who have taken the Clifton Youth StrengthsExplorer.

This new parenting book has the power to change the way parents raise their children, with its customized, encouraging and affirmative approach backed by data and proven results. With highly relatable stories and practical advice, readers will put themselves — and their children — on an individualized path to success for a lifetime.

In the book, Reckmeyer (who is also Clifton’s daughter) delivers the refreshing message that there isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” approach to raising your children. In fact, there’s only one way you can parent — the way that fits who you and your children are. By treating children as individuals, respecting their natural inclinations and interests, and recognizing that while children’s peers and culture are influential, parents can give children a strong foundation of hope and resilience for the future.
The first part of STRENGTHS BASED PARENTING offers a background on the strengths science and data behind the ideas in the book. The difference between most modern psychology and Dr. Clifton’s beliefs? Dr. Clifton studied what was right with people and what contributed to their success, instead of focusing on their deficits.

This is the basis for STRENGTHS BASED PARENTING: the belief that TALENT (a natural way of thinking, feeling or behaving) multiplied by INVESTMENT (time spent practicing, developing your skills and building your knowledge base) equals STRENGTH (the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance).

Throughout the first section, Dr. Reckmeyer provides multiple examples of children whose parents encouraged their uniqueness and helped them find their paths to become highly successful adults. She even includes stories about Steven Spielberg and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Dr. Reckmeyer also shares stories from her own experience as a teacher, working with parents and students to help unlock their talents and strengths.

To uncover talents, parents need the appropriate tools, and the second half of STRENGTHS BASED PARENTING is devoted to helping parents identify their own talents and their children’s talents using the language and science of strengths.

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The book includes access to two online strengths assessments — one for parents and one for children — to determine parents’ and children’s top themes of talent. There is also a StrengthsSpotting section of the book for younger children. Dr. Reckmeyer addresses every stage of development; readers can use this part of the book as a reference after taking the assessments or working on StrengthsSpotting.

Within each section, Dr. Reckmeyer explains talent themes and offers valuable information and action items for parents and children. Once parents identify their children’s area of talent and their own, they can start developing them into strengths. To jumpstart this process, the book provides definitions, questions, action items, theme contrasts, and clues and snapshots of how a young child with a particular talent theme may exhibit that theme.

Related Article: How to Raise a Problem-Solver

Did you know: A 23-year longitudinal study of 1,000 children in New Zealand found that a child’s personality at age 3 shows remarkable similarity to his or her reported personality traits at age 26.

How can YOU start to discover and understand your young child’s innate patterns of thought, feeling and behavior?

Gallup’s Tips for Strengths Spotting:

1. Familiarize yourself with the 10 Clifton Youth StrengthsExplorer themes: Achieving, Caring, Competing, Confidence, Dependability, Discoverer, Future Thinker, Organizer, Presence and Relating. StrengthsSpotting uses the Clifton Youth StrengthsExplorer themes as a foundation, combined with repeated observations in a variety of settings and interactions.
2. Watch for clues to talent, and make note when your child displays:
   1. Yearnings: What activities or environments is your child repeatedly drawn to or eager to try?
   2. Rapid learning: What new skills or activities does your child pick up quickly and easily?
   3. Satisfaction: When is your child most enthusiastic and fulfilled? Which activities is she excited about doing again and again?
   4. Timelessness: When does your child become so engrossed that she seems to lose track of time?
3. Collaborate with others who know and care about your child. Discuss the specific patterns you have spotted in her with them to test the accuracy of your observations.
4. Identify the patterns you see most often. Through repeated observations over time, you can determine which ones are dominant.
5. Create opportunities for developing your child’s talents. Guide or arrange activities that make the most of her interests and talents.
6. Build a network of “StrengthsSpotters.” Share pictures and stories of your child doing what she does best with others who care about her and who are invested in her development — for example, your spouse, grandparents, teachers and other caregivers.