I am extremely sensitive to smells. Flowery scents give me a headache. Foul smells make me irritable. Strong smells make me nauseous. Light and pleasant smells elevate my mood, and so I’m always on the search for a great candle or favorite new body lotion. Bright lights make me cringe. Sirens make me feel anxious. Loud yells and screams are like nails screeching down a chalkboard. I hide my eyes during violent scenes in movies because I feel physical pain when someone gets stabbed or shot on screen. Sometimes I have to walk out of the theater and take a restroom break just to get away from the booming audio. Crowds drain my energy, as does clutter, and I find the world just overwhelming in general. Often at night, and sometimes in the middle of the day, you can find me in my bedroom, covers drawn over my head to block out the sensory input and reset my nervous system.
Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, says that 15 to 20 percent of the population are highly sensitive (HSP). I’m in that 15 to 20 percent. She says here that HSPs are easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment. Our nervous systems are more sensitive, and we are aware of subtleties in our surroundings. The key quality though, says, Aron, is that we process everything around us more than the other 80%. We reflect on it, elaborate on it, and make associations. Ask yourself these questions from Aron’s website to determine if you may be highly sensitive.
- Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
- Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
- Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
- Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
- Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
- Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
- Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
- When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?
A lightbulb may be going off for you right about now. Things may start to make sense as you identify with this trait. There’s nothing wrong with you! In fact, being highly sensitive has its benefits. We are very intuitive, empathic, and compassionate people. We are creative, productive, attentive, and thoughtful.
Motherhood comes with a good deal of noise, mess, and strong smells. Self-care is critical for sensitive moms. If I don’t find time to shut off the sensory input, I can become irritable. I’m definitely not at my best if I don’t escape to my sanctuary sometimes! If you are a sensitive mom, these sanity savers will help you avoid overwhelm, recharge, and manage life better in a loud and flashy world.
1. Identify your triggers. Pay attention to what overwhelms your senses. When you understand yourself better and become aware of the feelings and sensations in your body as it relates to your environment, you can adjust to minimize or possibly altogether avoid certain triggers.
2. Create a sanctuary. I turned my bedroom into a calm and delightful area with ambient lighting, a soft comforter, and I filled it with books. If you can’t transform a room, take over a small area. Fill it with things that are pleasing to your senses. A soft pillow. A lightly fragranced candle. Listen to something calming. Neuroscience says listening to this song reduces anxiety by 65 percent. Download it on your device.
3. Know what re-energizes and re-focuses you. Just as important as identifying your triggers is identifying your strengtheners. Listening to a chapter of an audiobook, taking a walk outside, or playing music while I take a hot shower all help me get re-centered. It’s essential that you build in a little time each day to do what fills you up.
4. Organize your spaces and keep them clutter free. Believe me, I know this is a challenge when you have kids. Their bedrooms and play room are a different story, but the main living areas I dwell in – the living room, kitchen, and my bedroom – are kept relatively tidy. It seems that my head space is directly related to my living space. If one is cluttered, they both are. Is it just me? All I know is that I feel much more at peace when everything is in its place.
5. Learn to honor your sensitive self and live a slower, more intentional life. It’s okay to say no to that invitation if you know it’s going to drain you. You don’t have to have your kids signed up for every sport and extracurricular that comes around. You’re not obligated to help run everything you’re involved in. When we are stretched too thin, it takes a toll on our already sensitive nervous systems, and when there are no blank spaces in the calendar, there is no room for cozying around and recharging.
6. Build in calming connection time with your kids. This has been a vital step for me because I’m raising two boys, one of which is very exuberant (read: loud and energetic). There is a time for Nerf wars and having light saber battles, but every night I bring them into my sanctuary for 30 minutes to an hour of reading aloud and chatting, even though they are big boys now. The only light is my book light. It’s a relaxing way to end the day. This has become a favorite ritual for all of us.