Our children’s lives have been upended for the last several weeks and are still living with the uncertainty of when things will return to normal. Many kids are reported elevated levels of mental distress, anxiety, depression, fear, and loneliness. It’s crucial that we do all we can to protect our children’s mental health during this crisis. If nothing else, this pandemic will show our kids their own resilience and teach them critical coping skills that will serve them the rest of their lives. We can draw some positives from this if we are willing to look for the silver linings. Here are six things we can do as parents to help protect our children’s mental health (and our own).
Create new routines that provide a sense of connection, safety, and stability.
Routines provide kids with a sense of belonging and stability. Parents know that a good bedtime routine and general daily rhythm helps keep kids on track, so it makes sense to add in a little something extra fun to help offset the anxiety kids are feeling. Since the pandemic began, my family has taken to outdoor movie nights in our backyard and long drives on country roads, milkshakes in hand, for a nice change of scenery. Add something special to the mix in your family that you can do together on a regular basis. That could be family art events, game nights, movie nights, trips out for ice cream, read alouds, hikes, or whatever you know soothes your children and helps them feel connected. Doing so will infuse a positive, happy memory into this crisis that they’ll look back on. One day, they’ll tell their kids, “I remember during the pandemic when we had to stay home for weeks, my parents took us twice a week for sundaes and hiking. We had such a good time together.”
Acknowledge their feelings.
Parents are dealing with a vast array of our own emotions right now, and in comparison to some of the problems this crisis has made us face, our kids’ problems can feel like small potatoes. Remember, though, that their problems are big in their world, and we should listen to and validate all emotions they are having. There are no right or wrong feelings about what they are experiencing. They’ve lost a big part of their school year, sports seasons, parties, proms, graduations, sports games, dances, and daily face-to-face connections with their friends. In addition, they’ve had to try to adjust to online learning, new schedules, and fears they haven’t known before. It’s important to practice active listening skills and be empathetic. Tell your kids that all emotions are okay, that you hear and understand, and that you’re there for them. Most often, kids aren’t looking for you to fix all their problems as much as they just want to feel seen and heard.
Model self care.
You can’t give your best to your kids if you aren’t taking care of yourself. Make sure you’re getting adequate sleep, exercise, and nutrition. Turn off the news and take time away from your screens to recharge. Now possibly more than ever (because they’re with us so much more now), our kids are watching how we are handling ourselves during this crisis. When they see you taking care of yourself, they will know it’s an important part of protecting mental health and will be more likely to practice self-care themselves.
Manage anxiety and anger.
Each and every family member is dealing with their own set of unique feelings and coping skills, and this can sometimes lead to frustrations spilling over and yelling. These outbursts, whether by the kids or the parents, only add to the anxiety and fears that everyone is feeling, so it’s critical to do what we can to mitigate negative feelings before they explode. Self-care is one piece to the puzzle as we will all have a little longer fuse if we have our needs met. Practicing and teaching the coping skills in the next section will also help to dispel anger and anxiety.
Teach coping skills.
There are many different ways to cope with emotions, and different things work for different personalities. I like to journal or do yoga. One son likes to bang on his drums while the other prefers art. It doesn’t matter how you cope as long as you know what soothes you and you have the means to do it.
Now is the time to talk to your kids about how to manage their feelings and discuss which coping skills they feel works for them. If it’s art, make sure they have adequate art supplies. If they like to squeeze away the stress, help them make some playdough filled balloons for stress balls. Teach them that, while all feelings are normal and acceptable, they do have the power to choose certain thoughts and the ability to work through tough feelings to find their way back to joy.
Make connections.
Nothing takes the place of the face-to-face connections they had with their friends, but we can help them maintain some connection with friends and family during this time of social distancing by utilizing technology. Now may be the time to relax with limits on social media a bit, depending on what you know your child can handle. For kids who don’t have social media to connect with friends, try Zoom meetings or FaceTime chats or just a good old-fashioned phone call with grandma. The point is that we may have to facilitate these connections or encourage our more shy or introverted children to reach out, and that we emphasize the importance of connecting with others.
Above all, try to keep an optimistic frame of mind and speak positive words in your home. Look for the good things going on in the world and in your own community and discuss how you can each add to that goodness. When you focus on positivity, that’s what grows, and where positivity grows, fear and anxiety will not take root.