It’s easy to get frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, or embarrassed when your child throws an epic tantrum, especially if it happens in public. Unfortunately, the occasional tantrum can’t really be avoided. They happen to everyone, but next time your child is in the throes of a fit, try to remember these 7 things.
It's Normal
The first thing to remember when your child has a tantrum is that it is normal. Tantrums are a normal way for kids to express their frustration when they may not be able to communicate their feelings appropriately. While this fact doesn't make the tantrum any easier to deal with, it does help to know that, developmentally, this is a normal stage.
Don't Engage
During a tantrum the temptation can be to lecture, yell, or reason with your child. They cannot hear you or comprehend reason when they are in the middle of a tantrum. The best thing to do is to wait it out. If you do feel the need to discuss the situation, wait until later when they are calm and ready to listen.
Leave the Scene
When your child starts to throw a tantrum, make sure they are safe, and then leave the area. Typically, if the child doesn’t have an audience to get a reaction from, the tantrum will cease. If you are not comfortable leaving the child alone, get busy doing other things and pretend to ignore them. If the tantrum happens in public, take the child to the car or the bathroom to calm down. If the tantrum continues and the child is unable to calm down, then the best option might be to buckle them safely in their car seat and just drive home.
Assess Possible Triggers
Think about what triggered your child to get so upset in the first place. How can frustrating situations be avoided in the future? Of course, not all tantrums can be avoided but certain triggers can be removed. When armed with this information parents can be prepared to use distraction to lessen or avoid a future tantrum.
Don’t give in, except once in awhile
Giving into a tantrum will do nothing but encourage future tantrums. If your child is throwing a tantrum because he wants to eat a cookie before dinner, do not give him the cookie. It’s also not a good idea to use bribes to stop a tantrum. Saying “If you stop crying, I will buy you a toy” only rewards the child for the tantrum. However, if your child is in the middle of a tantrum and listening to the same annoying song over and over again on the car ride home will help him calm down, this may be an exception you can live with.
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You Are not Alone
It might feel like you’re alone in this parenting thing when your child has a fit at the grocery store, but we have all been there. It is likely your child will have a tantrum in public at some point, and it will be embarrassing and inconvenient when it happens. Remind yourself again that it is normal for kids to have tantrums, leave the store if needed, and know that you’ll probably laugh about it later.
Use Distraction, Humor, and Hugs
During a tantrum, kids are not able to listen to reason but that doesn’t mean parents can’t try to wrap up the crying quickly. Try using a distraction like “Where is the ball?” or asking if they’d like to read a book.
Make a silly face to lighten the mood or turn on some music and begin a dance party. When they see that you’re having fun and that world continues, even in the face of a tantrum, they will most likely want to join you. For some kids a tight hug helps them to calm down when they are upset. Helping your child move past the tantrum can teach them methods for calming themselves down in the future. Using a distraction is a quick fix, but it shouldn’t be used to sweep emotions under the rug. The situation that caused the tantrum can be discussed later if needed when everyone is calm.
Don’t Doubt Yourself
There was a day when I’d dealt with a particularly horrible tantrum from my daughter, and I began to blame myself. “What am I doing wrong? I must be a terrible mom,” I thought to myself and later told a friend. She reminded me that I am not a bad mother; I was just having a bad day. It happens to all of us. Remain confident in your parenting and remind yourself you are doing the best you can.
Tantrums happen. It’s just another fact of life. The next time your child has a terrible tantrum, remember that ultimately this developmental stage will end and your child will grow and learn to communicate more effectively.