Positive Parenting is based on several principles. And while you may be familiar with many best practices of positive parents, here are three things you might not know!
1. Positive Parents DO NOT Just Want to Be Friends with Their Kids
As a positive parent for 9 years now, I want to discuss this idea that I just want to be my children’s friend. While it is true that friendship is an aspect of the positive parent/child relationship (and an important one), the idea that I only want to be buddies is completely FALSE.
The Friend I Am Not:
- The Negligent/Anything Goes Friend
- The Share All of My Adult Problems Friend
- Overprotective Helicopter Parent/Friend
The Friend I Am:
- A Good Listener
- Accepting
- Respectful
This aspect of friendship is one beautiful thread in the tapestry of our parent/child relationship. Don’t try to unravel it by pulling just the one thread. There is so much more. I am so much more. My children will have many friends throughout their lives, but they will only ever have one mother. Our relationship is entirely unique, and I’m proud to say that friendship is a part of it.
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3. Positive Parents DO NOT Reward Misbehavior
#2: Positive Parents DO Discipline Their Children
“But kids need discipline” is a recurrent comment on my Facebook page, and I must say that I absolutely agree.
Kids DO need discipline! So do teachers, firefighters, artists, store managers, farmers, - every responsible, productive human being. So, the question is, what is discipline and how do we make sure our kids have it?
If you look up the definition for discipline today, you’re going to get something along the lines of “to punish or rebuke for an offense,” which I think is an unfortunate twist of the original Latin meaning, “instruction or knowledge.”
I almost never punish my kids, but I do offer a lot of instruction and knowledge (which I wouldn’t do if I were permissive). Therefore, I definitely discipline my children, just not in the same way as many, and there’s a reason for that.
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3. Positive Parents DO NOT Reward Misbehavior
Because Positive Parenting is centered around connection, I often advocate for practices such as time-in rather than time-out when misbehavior arises and being emotionally supportive through tantrums as opposed to ignoring them.
These ideas often draw the reaction of “but isn’t that rewarding tantrums and misbehavior?!” The short answer is “no.”
The long answer is “the whole foundation of positive parenting is not based upon rewarding or punishing behavior but rather upon understanding what is driving a child’s behavior and giving the child the knowledge and skills needed to not only govern his own behavior but to grow into his own full potential as an emotionally healthy and secure adult.”
I usually give the short answer. You can see why.